Lesson

I learned a valuable lesson from a very good friend of mine. He told me that when someone in your life constantly disappoints you, change your expectations of that person and you won't be disappointed anymore. I know it sounds kinda weird but, I did it. The end result, I'm happier. I think this is advice everyone can use. There is no reason to go through life expecting something that won't happen and continuing to be miserable over it. One of the definitions of insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results each time. I'm not insane. I'm done playing the games. I need to be happy for my own sake.

Thanks Mike!

Catch Up

Man, I need to get on here a tad more often to update. I get so much going on and so much I want to say, by the time I get around to posting I want to say a million things and can't remember it all. I'm just going to start in order of which is on my mind heaviest.

My brother. What a bonehead. My brother has been with the same girl for quite sometime. I think like 7 years. They always seem to have a good relationship although my brother can be very difficult and pig headed at times. They have a little boy together and on September 1st welcomed a new baby girl to the world. She had lots of complications with the pregnancy and ended up have an emergency c-section. She was overdue so I'm not sure emergency is the correct word but still. Yesterday, I get a text from him that simply says "in trouble, %#@$$ left" I was kinda shocked but in the same sense knew it was coming. My brother is addicted to his job and cannot get a break from it ever. Hell, we had a golf tournament and his phone rang on every hole. It was ridiculous. I called him up and spoke to him about it and I told him to find a different job. It was way too consuming and he hates it anyway.
I spoke to my wife about this and she called his wife to make sure she was OK and she found out the real reason. She didn't bash my brother but constantly asked what she did wrong. Turns out my brother was being a jerk and treating her like crap. Being a lazy husband basically. Not helping with chores, not taking the kids out, not spending time with them as a family. I guess the final straw was he called her lazy and said she wasn't crippled. This was an hour after she got home from the hospital.
I was pretty ticked off when my wife called me back. I don't usually get involved in other peoples relationships but I wasn't not going to say something. I vowed to meet up with my brother later on after work to talk. Well, that lasted about 2 hours. I ended up calling my brother and tried to pry out of him the issues, playing stupid at the same time. He first said they had nothing in common. What a line of BS that is. Suddenly after 7 years you have nothing in common. I told him to try again. He started making excuses so I went off. I yelled at him a bit. Told him to get his head out of his ass and be a father and a real husband, not just on on paper. I explained to him what good husbands do and how to treat his wife. I was ticked and on a mission. I told him to stop taking relationship advice from a guy that's been married 3 times, his best friend in particular. Hell, that's be like me taking financial advice from my father. Not really a good idea. I went off for about 20 minutes. The one thing I told him over and over was to get his head out of his ass because his family is the one thing he doesn't want to loose. When I was done, I told him I loved him and will always be here for him. He was crying, so I know I struck a nerve.
My wife went to see the baby last night and take some gifts we had gotten. She had a great conversation with his wife. She's a good person, he's just pig headed. His wives father went to my brothers apartment to pick up some stuff for the baby and her. When he came back, he said my brother was cleaning the apartment. Maybe he listened to me. I can only hope.

This November is very important for this country. I'm a big follower of politics and have my opinions on it all. I'm a registered Republican on paper but a registered American at heart. I'll vote who I feel is better for this country as a whole. I don't care what party they are from, what color their skin is or what kind of package they have in their pants. I want, as all Americans should, whoever is best for the future of this country. I think both candidates have excellent qualities and both candidates are idiots at the same time. I think Obama made a huge mistake for not putting Hillary on his ticket but, then again, does he really want someone that wants to be President more than anything in the world just a bullet away from her goal. I'm not saying, I'm just saying. Know what I mean.
The one thing that may keep me from voting against Obama is the fact that he throws the race card out there too much. I don't care that he's HALF black, which he fails to mention. I don't care if he was half purple. Color doesn't matter. I want to know what he can do for our country, to bring it back to greatness. What is he going to do for the economy, the war on terror, our illegal immigrant situation? What? That's what's important. I do like his lack of experience in the political world. I think that is a good thing only for the reason that he hasn't been corrupted by Washington as much as others. That may be his strongest point for me.
McCain, I'm not so sure about him. He had my vote until he started flip flopping. Make up your mind. Pick where you're going and go there. Don't change your mind on critical issues just because. He has no clue on the economy, at all. That part scares me. I know with him, the war on terror will not be forgotten, that's a given. Despite what others say, I like his choice for VP. She's smart and stands up for what she believes in. I watched an interview with her from about 4 months ago and she has an excellent head on her shoulders. As for her family issues. That's none of my business. Her daughter getting pregnant at 17 just goes to prove that she's more like the rest of us average citizens. That's not a bad trait.
So who will I vote for? I haven't got a clue. The next few months when I see the debates and where each person stands on issues, I'll make up my mind. As of right now, I wouldn't know what lever to pull.
To all the people that say harsh words to each other over their party status i say this..... Get a life! Quit your bitching and get a life. When it all comes down to it, we all belong to just one party and that is the AMERICAN Party.

My job here is done for now. Keep in touch with yourselves.

My Sister

My sister lives in Portland Oregon. We are pretty close and try to stay in touch as much as possible. Whenever she comes to town, which isn't very much, she will stay with us. I was the one who stuck up for her on the bus and backed her up when I could. She did the same for me. She hasn't had the easiest of lives either and I believe that's why we get along like we do. My wife and her are very close as well. So close it's scary sometimes. When they were in town last year, the scene at the airport was rather depressing between the two of them. You'd think they were saying goodbye forever. Man O Man!

Well, my sister called me a couple days ago out of the blue. I was a little nervous at first because she usually shoots me an email instead of racking up the phone bill. It was nice to hear her voice. She informed me that both her and her husband were being deployed to Iraq in April 2009. They will be deployed for approximately one year. That fact in itself makes me a tad nervous. She's a tough girl and I know she'll be OK. She told me that she was the only person she trusted to raise her kids the way she wants and would like me to take them for the year they are gone.

I was a little blown away by this. The kids real father lives not too far from where she lives but he's about as capable as pouring water in a paper bag. It'll work but only for a very very short time. She has some papers for me to fill out and such. Her kids are older so it's not too bad. They are 12, 16 and 19. The 19 year old doesn't have to come but, I'd rather keep them all together. Why separate them more than needed. I'm lucky enough to have a pretty big house and really have no problem with space. I just have to finish off part of my basement and add a stand up shower to my half bath. All this I was planning on doing anyway but now, I definitely have to get it going. Any one out there with a hammer can come help. I'll supply beverages and food.

As for the cost, well, my sister will completely cover any and all expenses for the kids. She'll be sending me their money to take care of them. They have no bills so I will be able to put away a lot of money for my sister and bro in law. My goal will be to have enough saved for them to put a rather large down payment on a home. They deserve that. My life will get pretty interesting next April. It'll be fun, that's for sure.

I'm not a very religious person but, I'll be praying for them as I do all our service men and women. Thanks for all you people do. Without you, this country is non existent.

As for my sister, Thank you for having the faith in me!

My Weekend

I have to catch up on a few things that had happened this weekend. I had an action packed weekend and had a great time. It got even better come Saturday. I took a few days off work to use up some vacation time and I think it was very well spent.

On Thursday, my first day off, my sister in law, my wife and I prepared to have a garage sale. We decided to have it at the sister in laws house as she lives in a more populated area and wanted to get maximum traffic. We spent pretty much the entire day prepping for the event. Hanging signs, pricing out items, and setting up tents. It was fun, not loads but I had a good time. I also got to meet my wife's cousin who was in town from Florida for a family reunion that was taking place on Sunday. Overall it was a good day. I enjoyed myself quite a bit.

Friday, I woke up early, and was at the garage sale all day long. We sold a ton of stuff and made some decent money. Nothing to brag about but I got rid of some unwanted items. What was really cool was going through all my old tapes. I no longer have a tape player so it's kinda purposeless to hang on to all these things. There was a ton of them. My brother in law was the same way. Lots and lots of tapes. All 80's music which really brought back the memories. Music is what kept me sane and alive in my teenage years so it was a nice trip down memory lane.

I received a phone call from a friend on Friday that I have not heard from in quite some time. He told me that he had been giving 4 tickets to the Jets vs redskins game in the Meadowlands for Saturday night. Now I'm a huge Redskins fan and he knows it so this was behind exciting for me. To top it all off, it would be my first NFL game. I was stoked. I could have jumped out of my skin I was so excited.

Saturday came and I was back up to my sister in laws bright and early to continue this garage sale thing. I just had to be back home to my house by 2:30 to leave for the game. The first part of the morning went quite well. We had a few stragglers come in but then it started pouring rain. Everything got soaked. You actually couldn't do anything but laugh. It lasted about an hour and a half with 3 times when it was a torrential downpour. After that, the sun came out and we had ourselves a beautiful day. We sold a lot more stuff and I was pretty happy. And that was all before 1 Pm as I left to go home to get ready to go to the game.

The 4 hour drive to the game was fun. My bro in law and my friend hit it off real well which was nice. The conversation was great and it went by pretty fast. I was pretty excited by the time we got there. The parking situation was weird but we made it. Nothing like parking 3 miles from the stadium and busing it in. I didn't care, I was there and it felt great.

The game was great. Even better so was the Redskins won on a last second missed field goal by the Jets. My buddy was so ticked. He's a Jets fan and although he's used to having a team choke, that was a hard one to swallow.

I had a great time and couldn't thank my buddy enough!

Well, we left the game and headed home. It was 11:00 and we had a 4 hour drive. We finally made it home around 3 am. I crashed immediately and my bro in law stayed at my house. No sense driving back to his house at that point. We had a family reunion to get to in the morning.

We got up around 9 and started getting ready for my wife's family reunion. It was in Alex Bay so we had yet another drive ahead. Only an hour and a half but it was still a drive. First we went to my in SIL's house so her hubby could get ready. While there I took this really cool picture. I thought it was neat so I wanted to share it with you.

We made it up to Alex Bay for the family reunion. It was alot of fun actually. I ate a lot, drank a lot and had a good time. One thing I want to do was take my kids to Boldt Castle. I have never been there so I thought it would be a cool experience. We took the boat over to the island, after my youngest had a nervous breakdown about being on a boat, and nobody was disappointed. If you have never been there, I highly recommend it. Lots of very cool history and absolutely beautiful grounds.

I must say, I had a great weekend. It was long and I was totally exhausted but, it was so very worth it. I made the wife drive home. I had to work in the morning and it was 10:30. I was happy. My kids had a really good time and that's all that mattered.

Golf and Other Things

I've gotta vent on a couple issues. One kinda leads into the other so I'm just going to start by telling about my day yesterday. This could be a long one. Grab a drink and enjoy.

I had some semi plans with my brother for a round of golf scheduled for early yesterday (Sunday) morning. By semi I mean, we talked about it, and said we would meet up at a course for a nice round of golf to catch up on our lives and swing some sticks. The only stipulation that I had was that it had to be early as I had a my wife's birthday party to attend at 1:00. I would say that was a rather important event. Her birthday was the day before, therefore she didn't mind me going as long as I was in time for this party. No problem, I'll just go early.

I got up pretty early, got ready for golf and waited. And waited. And waited. Now, I was up at 6:30 and ready to go by 7:00. I tried a couple times to get in touch with my brother but was pretty unsuccessful. At 8:30 I told my wife, I was leaving. I was pretty sure he'd call and he only lived 10 minutes from the course. I was on my way and tried to call a few more times but no answer. I sent my wife a few text saying I was pretty upset with him and if he wasn't there when I got there, I was golfing alone.

I arrived at 9:00 and paid for golf and was getting my stuff on the cart when my brother called. I told him I was at the course getting ready to tee off. He told me he'd be there in 10 minutes as he had fallen asleep. No problem, we'd still be OK time wise with just the 2 of us. I went to the putting green to practice as that seems to be the part killing me this year. I didn't realize how much time had gone by until I heard my brothers truck pull in. It's loud and has a distinct rumble. Even my deaf ass can hear it. I drove up to the lot and there he is........... with his father in law and his brother in law. And it was now 10:00. I was pretty ticked off at this point but decided to let it go as I wanted to enjoy myself.

His In Laws are good people but not my favorite. The brother in law can't keep track of his score and doesn't follow too many golf rules which drives me insane. Oh well, can't win em all right?

We played the round in 4 hours. Now if you do the math, that makes it 2:00 when we finished up which makes me 1 hour late for something I still have to drive 45 minutes for. I put the 2 and 2 together and surrendered to the fact that I was gonna get my ass chewed out. I called my wife, she was already there and was very short on the phone, understandably. So off to the party I went. Oh and by the way, I beat everyone on the course. I putted better than I have all year.

I got to the party by 3:00. Everyone was just sitting down to eat. No problems what so ever. My wife ended up not being mad at me at all but was not too pleased with my brother. So we sat and ate with some great conversation. I always enjoy my sister in law and her husbands company. We get along great and things are pretty smooth with us. My mother in law and father in law, who are divorced are a different story. My mother in law, I hate. That's a whole new topic I'll get into another day. My father in law, well, he's a coward. He strives for attention from his son, who is again, another story. He takes his son's word as gospel even if it's bashing other people. This leads to animosity between us and I have felt it for years. I think it started when he accused me of poisoning his daughter, my wife. Nice guy huh? He blamed me for her getting sick.

He built a new house and needed to furnish it. I work for a furniture company so I told him to mention me and he could get a discount. Pretty simple right? Well, he went and bought new furniture and had it delivered. This he told me yesterday. I said "great, did you mention me and get the friends and family discount?" He said no, he got a discount through his son, Keith. I said, "oh really, they gave you a discount for someone that was fired from the company a year ago and does nothing but bad mouth the company?" I said, "I'll be sure to mention that to the sales manager." He didn't like that at all and it ended the conversation immediately.

I had a conversation with my wife 2 weeks prior to this discussing how I feel like her dad doesn't really care for me. She told me I was reading him wrong and I was fine. By some of the things he said yesterday, he verified it all for me. I was pretty pissed to say the least and was quite happy when he left.

The discussion that came afterwards with my wife's sister and husband made me feel 100 times better. We discussed our life's and why her dad is the way he was. They pointed out the root of the problems and made me realize, he's more of an ass than I thought. I don't want to deal with him or my mother in law any more than I have too. I will tolerate them for my wife's sake but she is even in agreeing that they suck. I have enough of my own issues in life and don't need the added stress. I love my sister in law and her husband more than ever and thank them for there kindness and understanding.

By the end of the day, I was beat. I wanted to get to bed.

I just don't understand why family has to be backstabbing idiots sometimes. My family is whacked, my wife's family is whacked. I don't ever want my kids to say this stuff about me. It just gives me more incentive to be a better parent.

Thought

So I came here this morning to share a few thoughts and I had a freaking brain fart! Damn I hate it when that happens! Thank God my coffee taste good and my computer screen is fun to look at. Maybe I should go back to bed. So much for that, I'm off to work. I have to go listen to people complain all day, not that I mind. I love my job and will probably post about it often as I run into some really interesting characters. See, I go to peoples homes and repair, or attempt to repair their furniture. I get to see people in all the glory, uninhibited in their own homes. Some of the things people say are quite hilarious and at times amazing. The things people complain about truly amaze me sometimes. But, I'm in the customer service business and without them, I'm unemployed, so I suck it up and do everything in my power to make them satisfied. Apparently that's why I get paid the big bucks. As I periodically post on here about my endevours, I will leave out names to protect the innocent, or not so innocent. I will bring you some pretty funny stuff and some pretty bad stuff. Who knows, either way, I'll be filling some pages up.

Off I go!

My Father

Over the years I've tried to figure out my feelings toward my own father but, could never quite pinpoint the feelings. The earliest negative memory I have of my father is when I was about 5 years old. My father had a pretty bad temper and, I discovered much later in life, a knack for drinking a tad too much. He was pretty abusive toward my mother on the verbal spectrum, which if you've ever been on the receiving end, is just like getting smacked in the face, only I believe it leaves a bigger scar. I always heard my parents argue as a child, I think I believed that it was norm. The one memory that sticks out the most was catching my father in a back swing to hit my mother as he had her pinned up against the cupboards. All I remember doing at that moment was running and getting in between them. The look on my mothers face is embedded in my mind. It was a look of sheer fear and familiarity. I could tell, even at 5, that it wasn't the first time. Throughout my life, I've been pretty upset, hell even raging mad at girls, but I have never ever hit one. I made a commitment at the ripe old age of 5 that I would never be the cause of that look that I saw on my mother's face that day.


When my mother left a short time after, we all had mixed feelings about it. As kids we felt betrayed and abandoned. We knew what we knew about their fights but we couldn't help but to feel really bad for our father. Especially my other brothers and my sister. They just got left with someone who was not their biological father. The single best thing my father ever did was that. He took in 3 kids who were not his and raised them to adulthood.


I learned around the same time that my father had been previously married. That part I didn't care about but, I did care that I had another brother out there. We shared the same father and that was a bond that I cherished. I never understood why he was never around and why my father never saw him. It was many years later that I figured it out.


Fast forward some years. My father did pretty good for us growing up. He did what he could for 3 kids. The only problem was, he was terrible with money. He made pretty decent money as a mechanic at a diesel shop. I remember seeing one of his paychecks and his bring home was in the $1200 range. Back in the early 80's, that was huge money. He was always broke and never around. I was too young to get it or understand but I was well aware of it. My father ended up dating a woman, whom he is currently married to, that had her own family. She didn't work but had bills. I think I figured out how she paid them and why my father was always broke. Her family was the center of his life now. My siblings and I were suddenly on the back burner. I had my own things going on so I didn't pay to much attention but my siblings did. Slowly they moved out. Not on their own accord either. My oldest brother decided not to put up with the crap early on and got his own place right out of school. My sister joined the Navy for her own reasons but told me she hated his girlfriend. Then there is my other brother, he got kicked out. He was a little psycho and she didn't like him. He had no place to go so he joined the Marines. That left me. I felt the pressure right from the start. She was bound and determined to get rid of his kids. I was pretty stubborn and wasn't budging. Not to mention, on drugs. She gave her the option, it was her or me. I was thoroughly shocked when she moved out.


They never split up but she was not under the same roof as I, for now. I think that lasted for a year. Then we all got an apartment together and became one big happy family. Not! I really went to the back burner at this point. I got deeper into my own troubles but was well aware of my surroundings at home. I decided it was best if I was there as little as possible. I can remember sleeping on beaches, rocks, abandoned cars, strangers houses. I had a home but wasn't really welcomed there. I finally understood it. When my father was done with one family, he set them aside and worked on the next one. I felt like absolute crap that I was the one who replaced my fathers first son. My brother, John and I, talked about this later in life. I apologized to him but, he told me it wasn't my fault and if it wasn't me, it would have been someone else. We are closer now than ever before.


As you know, my father moved to Vegas, left me high and dry and a few years later, came back. I didn't care to see him ever again. Little did I know, he was far from done influencing my life.


When I bought my first house I discovered a lot about my father. His financial situation was a little more dire than I ever knew. When the bank pulled my credit report, I was expecting the standard, "you have no credit" speech but, what I got was shocking. They told me they couldn't help because I had never paid a bill in my entire life. I don't know if I mentioned this but, my grandfather, my father and I all share the same name. My father took full advantage of that. Little did I know but I purchased a new vehicle when I was 11, and decided paying it off would be a bad thing. My credit was full of negative unpaid things. It was bad enough that I didn't even have a credit score. I ended up having to fill out a ton of paperwork and got it all removed. I was even asked if I wanted to press charges. I turned it down, as he is my father.


I ran into a similar situation when I purchased my second home, the one I am in now. Only this time there were only a few things and he was no longer using my social security number, the debtors were just going after someone with the same name. I once again, got that all cleared up.

When my wife, Heather got sick we ran into some tough financial situations. In order to save the house we had to do some things with the mortgage company to get current and restructure the deal. Upon doing the title search for my house, they discovered 6 liens on my house. I've owed people money but never to the point where that would happen. The bank sent the paperwork to me and lo and behold, they were all my fathers bills. I signed the proper paperwork and moved on. A few years ago, I went to refinance my house and ran into the exact same problem. 5 liens on my house. One for 26k dollars. I was pissed at this point. I called my father and explained to him the situation and his exact words to me were "it's not my problem." I went ballistic. I called him every name I could muster up. I spoke to a lawyer who guided me in the right direction and because debtors put liens on things without verifying social security numbers, there was nothing I could do to my father. I paid a fee to file a piece of paper with the county clerks office so that if I ever decide to sell my house, I can do so. The people he owes money to, can not come after me for the money he owes, but they will always have that lien on my property.

I left out an important tidbit that will really drive home the point of my fathers mentality. My grandfather passed away years ago. I was pretty close to him and he promised me a pocketwatch that has been in the family for years. He said I could have it "as soon as I got my head out of my ass" He showed it to me, and I've never seen it since. In the bottom of my heart I want to believe my father still has it but, in all reality, I know he sold it. My grandmother passed away some years after my grandfather and left my Dad some money to pay for the funeral and a little money to split between him and my aunt. Aparently, we found out later, my father spent the money before she even passed away. He sold all of there things from their home and left us kids nothing. I have a few things that my great uncle gave me that I hold very dear to my heart. My heritage is very important to me and I will hang onto everything I have. As for my Grandmothers funeral, the bill is on my desk and it will be paid. Somehow, some day.

I've been in my house for just over 8 years now, my father has never seen it. I have 3 kids, my father has seen them twice. They don't really know who he is and that's ok. Anyone can be a father but, it takes someone special to be a Dad.

I've learned 4 very important lessons from my father:
1)Never name your child after yourself (it's an ego thing)
2)Never, ever hit a woman
3)Never, ever abandone your family (in the end, that's all you have)
&
4)Pay your damn bills!


For all the things he has done, he is still my father. Heather understands that, but hates him. He's done enough damage. I myself have never hated someone so much, but loved them at the same time.

My First Post!

Hey, first thing I'll do is explain a little about myself. I'm 35 years old. Married with 3 awesome kids. Growing up I had a life that seemed to be typical up to a point. At least I always thought it was until I shared my story with a few people and they told me it wasn't typical. My parents separated when I was very young. Perhaps I was in Kindergraden when it happened for good because the one thing that sticks out in my mind is coming home from school one day and finding a note on the kitchen table. I have 3 older brothers and 1 older sister. Keep in mind that they are all half brothers and sister. My oldest brother, John has lived in Poughkeepsie most of his life. We have the same father but different mothers. My father was married previously, that didn't work out either. My second oldest brother, Ralph, has a different father but we share our mom. We are the closest. My other brother and sister, Don and Teri, have a different father but we share our mom. Isn't this great? At least the family tree has lots of branches. OK, back to the note. The 4 of us, minus my oldest brother John, cause he never lived with me, came home home from school to find a note on the kitchen table. It was from our mom. She stated that she was leaving and not coming back. It was blunt and to the point. We were all pretty shocked but I think Ralph took it the hardest. Our mom was leaving my 3 brothers and sister with a man that was not their father. To this day, Ralph holds that against her. I guess in a way, I do too. It would be 1 or 2 years before we saw her again.

My Dad did a pretty good job raising us. There were lots of questionable decisions made but overall it wasn't bad. We moved out of our very large house into a mobile home. We lived there for some time. Couple years I believe. I remember that is were I started loosing my hearing. Nothing particular happened. It just started to go. It was a pretty cool place to live. Lots of woods, no neighbors and sulfur water. Wait, it sucked, what the hell am I talking about! Then one day my dad came up with a brilliant idea of buying his own piece of land and putting the trailer there. It seemed like it was a good idea at first but we moved a half mile down the road into a corn field. No running water, no septic. Nothing! We went to the bathroom in a small port a potty for way too long. Trucked in 5 gallon jugs of water for too long. By now my mom was back around and we went to her place to shower. One good thing was I learned how to dig a well and build a septic system complete with a working leach field.

We lived here for quite some time. There are a ton of memories there. I started smoking cigarettes when I was 10. Took my first puff of dope when I was 11. It went pretty much downhill from there. I had my first girlfriend when I was 13, and lost my virginity to her at 14. By that time I was smoking pot everyday and drinking way too much. I never hung around the greatest of characters but some of them became the greatest friends I could ever have. They would give their right arm for me. Some of them almost got me killed but it was a hell of a ride. I did some pretty stupid things as a teenager. I experimented with way too many drugs, got addicted to most of them. I made a prediction that I would be dead by the time I was 21. All my friends knew it, my family knew it. I made it loud and clear.

This is me at about 15 or 16.

When I was actually in school, I did quite well. Problem was, I wasn't there much. If I wasn't skipping, I was suspended. When I turned 16, I dropped out. My hair was down to my ass, my ears were pierced, my nose was pierced, my eyebrow was pierced, and both my nipples were pierced. I was on the road to being dead at 21. I had my run ins with the cops. Been handcuffed too many times but never in jail. There is no sense of accomplishment greater than having the entire school applaud as you are being escorted out of school in handcuffs. That was a sure sign that I had no friends.

So here I was at 16, on drugs, no education, no job and a father that didn't give a shit about me. To prove that point, my dad used to go out to eat 3 times a day. He just made sure that there was 5 things at the house for me. Peanut butter, jelly, bread, Ramon Noodles and Pepsi. That's what I lived on. My dads life wasn't all that great either. He quit a great job because his girlfriend didn't like it, he was broke, very broke. By this time, I was the only one left in the house. My brothers and sister had left. 2 joined the service and one had a life. The only thing right in my life was my girlfriend. She was cool and had a good head on her shoulders. Not to mention she had a similar life to mine. She was a year younger but had been through some scary crap. She attempted suicide, and almost succeeded, just before we started dating. I'll never forget seeing her lying on the floor unconscious. After she recovered and got out of rehab we started officially dating and she moved in a week later.We had some rough times together, split up a few times but always seemed to recover. That's the story of all teenage romances isn't it? Only mine will last forever.

When I was 17 my father came home one day and said "moving to Vegas!" I was like great, when we going? I could use a fresh start somewhere far away. "No, just me" he said. "you're on your own." I was blown away! I'm not sure if he noticed or not but I was in no shape to be on my own. Drugs, no job, no car, hell, no license at this point. 21 was fast approaching. He gave me 2 weeks to figure it out. One good thing, he told me I could have everything in the apartment to start my new life. Then I came home about a week later and everything in the apartment was gone. He sold it all. Everything except my things in my bedroom. I was pissed. I was just abandoned for the second time.

I ended up moving in with my cousin on the north side of the city, which was really not too good of an idea. She had 3 kids and a husband I would soon find out was the biggest scum bag I'd ever meet. They were big in the drug department so it was an ideal situation for a person like me. I had some good times there, tried a few new drugs, lost too many memories. I was going no where fast. After all, 21 was quickly approaching. I finally got my license at 18, almost 19. On my 19 th birthday I went to my mothers place to visit, when I came home, all hell had broken loose. My cousin had come home from going to the store and walked in on her husband molesting her 7 year old daughter. He was arrested and eventually went to jail for 5 years or so but not before he tried to wreak further havoc on my cousin. We were all asleep one night and our downstairs neighbor started pounding on the door. Our house was on fire and we needed to get out. Someone had started a small fire in the basement, which had a door leading outside. We were never able to prove it, but we know who it was.

The next couple years were kinda fuzzy. I'm not sure how everything came about but I ended up cutting my hair and getting a job. My girlfriend, Heather, and I got an apartment together. Yes this is the same girl I mentioned the last time. I was still smoking pot but refrained from anything else due to a very scary incident at my cousins. OD'ing was not too fun. I started to think that I'd make it past 21 but not by much. Life was starting to get manageable. One day Heather came home and told me she was pregnant. This changed everything. Only problem was, I found out 2 days later that she had been having an affair for some time. I always knew something fishy was going on but never really paid attention. I was a pretty trustworthy person, even let her go on a bike trip with this guy for a weekend. Hell, he was much older. What was the harm. Man, was I wrong. Needless to say, all hell broke loose. Was this my kid, what should I do? This was a biker dude with connections and he wanted me dead. He told me he was going to come to my house and kill me. He wasn't messing around. I called the cops, they came and he showed up in the parking lot 10 minutes later. I never saw him again. He came into our lives one other time but, it was just a creepy phone call. Nothing more.

Well, I decided to stay with Heather under the condition that this kid was mine. No way I was gonna abandon my kid like my parents did me. On December 4 th, 1993, the greatest thing to ever happen to me happened. My son was born and I knew from that moment on, life was not just about me. I quit smoking pot, cigarettes everything. My life had to change. I had made it to 21 and I was more alive than ever.

Our life together has been full of challenges as is everyone. We've always made the best of it no matter how hard things have gotten. We now have 3 awesome children. Live in a very nice house in a great neighborhood. My wife had gotten sick about 4 years ago and was permanently pulled from work at Upstate Medical Center. Things got very rough at that point. Our income was cut in half and no disability was available. We lost our cars, our credit cards everything except our house and each other. I switched jobs thinking it would be better money. I was wrong. Dead wrong. The only good things to come out of the new job was 2 all expense paid cruises, great parties and my best friend. We filed for bankruptcy to ease the burden and it did. When my old job called me, I didn't even think twice about going back. It was the best decision I ever made. 6 months later, my old position opened up again and I was right back in the groove. Heather was able to go back to work for a short period of time, running a day care with our good friend. It was nice but took it's toll on Het and her doctor pulled her again. This time, he wasn't going to release her again. She finally earned enough credits to receive SSD and she got her first check in December. Just in time for me to have surgery to repair my neck. I had 3 disks fused together and a steel plate put in. All I could think was, why me? Why was all this happening to me? I was being tested and I was about to break.

These are my kids. The tall one on the left, the girl in the center and the short guy up front. The little one is their cousin and the girl on the right is my daughters best friend.

3 weeks after my surgery, my boss called me to have me come in for a meeting. She told me they needed to discuss my pay. Now I have been with this company for a total of 14 years, minus the 2 years I tried my hand elsewhere, and I knew that "discussing my pay" was never a good thing. I went to the meeting ready to fight to no end but what they presented to me, shocked me. They told me that I was the most under appreciated and underpaid person in the company and presented a new pay plan that almost doubled my income. I almost cried. I was speechless and had no idea what to think. I asked my boss what the catch was. Her response... "you can't work more than 40 hours a week."

I went back to work the first week in March after 3 months recovery time. The pay has been amazing and life is great! Bills are paid on time, money is in the bank. I now have the normal stresses of life and not much extra. I know I will always come across challenges in life, and I know that I will be able to handle them all. After all, I'm 35, which is a long way from 21.

I just have to thank my kids, my wife and my best friend. Without them I am nobody.