My First Post!

Hey, first thing I'll do is explain a little about myself. I'm 35 years old. Married with 3 awesome kids. Growing up I had a life that seemed to be typical up to a point. At least I always thought it was until I shared my story with a few people and they told me it wasn't typical. My parents separated when I was very young. Perhaps I was in Kindergraden when it happened for good because the one thing that sticks out in my mind is coming home from school one day and finding a note on the kitchen table. I have 3 older brothers and 1 older sister. Keep in mind that they are all half brothers and sister. My oldest brother, John has lived in Poughkeepsie most of his life. We have the same father but different mothers. My father was married previously, that didn't work out either. My second oldest brother, Ralph, has a different father but we share our mom. We are the closest. My other brother and sister, Don and Teri, have a different father but we share our mom. Isn't this great? At least the family tree has lots of branches. OK, back to the note. The 4 of us, minus my oldest brother John, cause he never lived with me, came home home from school to find a note on the kitchen table. It was from our mom. She stated that she was leaving and not coming back. It was blunt and to the point. We were all pretty shocked but I think Ralph took it the hardest. Our mom was leaving my 3 brothers and sister with a man that was not their father. To this day, Ralph holds that against her. I guess in a way, I do too. It would be 1 or 2 years before we saw her again.

My Dad did a pretty good job raising us. There were lots of questionable decisions made but overall it wasn't bad. We moved out of our very large house into a mobile home. We lived there for some time. Couple years I believe. I remember that is were I started loosing my hearing. Nothing particular happened. It just started to go. It was a pretty cool place to live. Lots of woods, no neighbors and sulfur water. Wait, it sucked, what the hell am I talking about! Then one day my dad came up with a brilliant idea of buying his own piece of land and putting the trailer there. It seemed like it was a good idea at first but we moved a half mile down the road into a corn field. No running water, no septic. Nothing! We went to the bathroom in a small port a potty for way too long. Trucked in 5 gallon jugs of water for too long. By now my mom was back around and we went to her place to shower. One good thing was I learned how to dig a well and build a septic system complete with a working leach field.

We lived here for quite some time. There are a ton of memories there. I started smoking cigarettes when I was 10. Took my first puff of dope when I was 11. It went pretty much downhill from there. I had my first girlfriend when I was 13, and lost my virginity to her at 14. By that time I was smoking pot everyday and drinking way too much. I never hung around the greatest of characters but some of them became the greatest friends I could ever have. They would give their right arm for me. Some of them almost got me killed but it was a hell of a ride. I did some pretty stupid things as a teenager. I experimented with way too many drugs, got addicted to most of them. I made a prediction that I would be dead by the time I was 21. All my friends knew it, my family knew it. I made it loud and clear.

This is me at about 15 or 16.

When I was actually in school, I did quite well. Problem was, I wasn't there much. If I wasn't skipping, I was suspended. When I turned 16, I dropped out. My hair was down to my ass, my ears were pierced, my nose was pierced, my eyebrow was pierced, and both my nipples were pierced. I was on the road to being dead at 21. I had my run ins with the cops. Been handcuffed too many times but never in jail. There is no sense of accomplishment greater than having the entire school applaud as you are being escorted out of school in handcuffs. That was a sure sign that I had no friends.

So here I was at 16, on drugs, no education, no job and a father that didn't give a shit about me. To prove that point, my dad used to go out to eat 3 times a day. He just made sure that there was 5 things at the house for me. Peanut butter, jelly, bread, Ramon Noodles and Pepsi. That's what I lived on. My dads life wasn't all that great either. He quit a great job because his girlfriend didn't like it, he was broke, very broke. By this time, I was the only one left in the house. My brothers and sister had left. 2 joined the service and one had a life. The only thing right in my life was my girlfriend. She was cool and had a good head on her shoulders. Not to mention she had a similar life to mine. She was a year younger but had been through some scary crap. She attempted suicide, and almost succeeded, just before we started dating. I'll never forget seeing her lying on the floor unconscious. After she recovered and got out of rehab we started officially dating and she moved in a week later.We had some rough times together, split up a few times but always seemed to recover. That's the story of all teenage romances isn't it? Only mine will last forever.

When I was 17 my father came home one day and said "moving to Vegas!" I was like great, when we going? I could use a fresh start somewhere far away. "No, just me" he said. "you're on your own." I was blown away! I'm not sure if he noticed or not but I was in no shape to be on my own. Drugs, no job, no car, hell, no license at this point. 21 was fast approaching. He gave me 2 weeks to figure it out. One good thing, he told me I could have everything in the apartment to start my new life. Then I came home about a week later and everything in the apartment was gone. He sold it all. Everything except my things in my bedroom. I was pissed. I was just abandoned for the second time.

I ended up moving in with my cousin on the north side of the city, which was really not too good of an idea. She had 3 kids and a husband I would soon find out was the biggest scum bag I'd ever meet. They were big in the drug department so it was an ideal situation for a person like me. I had some good times there, tried a few new drugs, lost too many memories. I was going no where fast. After all, 21 was quickly approaching. I finally got my license at 18, almost 19. On my 19 th birthday I went to my mothers place to visit, when I came home, all hell had broken loose. My cousin had come home from going to the store and walked in on her husband molesting her 7 year old daughter. He was arrested and eventually went to jail for 5 years or so but not before he tried to wreak further havoc on my cousin. We were all asleep one night and our downstairs neighbor started pounding on the door. Our house was on fire and we needed to get out. Someone had started a small fire in the basement, which had a door leading outside. We were never able to prove it, but we know who it was.

The next couple years were kinda fuzzy. I'm not sure how everything came about but I ended up cutting my hair and getting a job. My girlfriend, Heather, and I got an apartment together. Yes this is the same girl I mentioned the last time. I was still smoking pot but refrained from anything else due to a very scary incident at my cousins. OD'ing was not too fun. I started to think that I'd make it past 21 but not by much. Life was starting to get manageable. One day Heather came home and told me she was pregnant. This changed everything. Only problem was, I found out 2 days later that she had been having an affair for some time. I always knew something fishy was going on but never really paid attention. I was a pretty trustworthy person, even let her go on a bike trip with this guy for a weekend. Hell, he was much older. What was the harm. Man, was I wrong. Needless to say, all hell broke loose. Was this my kid, what should I do? This was a biker dude with connections and he wanted me dead. He told me he was going to come to my house and kill me. He wasn't messing around. I called the cops, they came and he showed up in the parking lot 10 minutes later. I never saw him again. He came into our lives one other time but, it was just a creepy phone call. Nothing more.

Well, I decided to stay with Heather under the condition that this kid was mine. No way I was gonna abandon my kid like my parents did me. On December 4 th, 1993, the greatest thing to ever happen to me happened. My son was born and I knew from that moment on, life was not just about me. I quit smoking pot, cigarettes everything. My life had to change. I had made it to 21 and I was more alive than ever.

Our life together has been full of challenges as is everyone. We've always made the best of it no matter how hard things have gotten. We now have 3 awesome children. Live in a very nice house in a great neighborhood. My wife had gotten sick about 4 years ago and was permanently pulled from work at Upstate Medical Center. Things got very rough at that point. Our income was cut in half and no disability was available. We lost our cars, our credit cards everything except our house and each other. I switched jobs thinking it would be better money. I was wrong. Dead wrong. The only good things to come out of the new job was 2 all expense paid cruises, great parties and my best friend. We filed for bankruptcy to ease the burden and it did. When my old job called me, I didn't even think twice about going back. It was the best decision I ever made. 6 months later, my old position opened up again and I was right back in the groove. Heather was able to go back to work for a short period of time, running a day care with our good friend. It was nice but took it's toll on Het and her doctor pulled her again. This time, he wasn't going to release her again. She finally earned enough credits to receive SSD and she got her first check in December. Just in time for me to have surgery to repair my neck. I had 3 disks fused together and a steel plate put in. All I could think was, why me? Why was all this happening to me? I was being tested and I was about to break.

These are my kids. The tall one on the left, the girl in the center and the short guy up front. The little one is their cousin and the girl on the right is my daughters best friend.

3 weeks after my surgery, my boss called me to have me come in for a meeting. She told me they needed to discuss my pay. Now I have been with this company for a total of 14 years, minus the 2 years I tried my hand elsewhere, and I knew that "discussing my pay" was never a good thing. I went to the meeting ready to fight to no end but what they presented to me, shocked me. They told me that I was the most under appreciated and underpaid person in the company and presented a new pay plan that almost doubled my income. I almost cried. I was speechless and had no idea what to think. I asked my boss what the catch was. Her response... "you can't work more than 40 hours a week."

I went back to work the first week in March after 3 months recovery time. The pay has been amazing and life is great! Bills are paid on time, money is in the bank. I now have the normal stresses of life and not much extra. I know I will always come across challenges in life, and I know that I will be able to handle them all. After all, I'm 35, which is a long way from 21.

I just have to thank my kids, my wife and my best friend. Without them I am nobody.